Infertility is considered the inability to conceive after one year of regular unprotected sex. In Canada, about 15.7% of couples experience infertility.

Like pregnancy loss, infertility is often a lonely and heartbreaking experience that is drawn out over many long months and sometimes years. It can encompass a roller coaster of emotions on a cyclical basis, from optimism and hope to despair and grief.

When a person experiences infertility, they may question their life’s meaning and purpose. They may feel broken, as if their body is betraying them. They may question their womanhood or manhood and its failure to reproduce as expected. Infertility may contribute to conflict in couples. In cultures that highly value the family and children, couples may feel rejected or stigmatized. Medical treatments for infertility may be slow, arduous, painful, disappointing, and expensive.

The grief that is experienced in infertility is ambiguous – it doesn’t have a clear ending and it is not always clear what it is that has been lost. There may be grief for the loss of hope, potential, a role as a parent, or a dream of a family. This grief may be strung with threads of hope that couples tentatively or desperately cling to throughout ongoing infertility.

How counselling can help

We will begin by examining the range of complex feelings that are coming up for you: grief, guilt, confusion, stress, hope, disappointment, or whatever else is going on for you.

We can consider the ambiguity of your loss and grief and what it means to you in your life. In counselling, we can examine your family history, culture, and identity to understand your reproductive story and together we can write a new story that adds in some plot twists.

Counselling can update your support network, coping strategies, and self-care plan to help you better cope with stress. We can build self-compassion practices so that you can hold your self with the tenderness you deserve. We can learn self-regulation and calming practices to help you through difficult times or medical procedures.

I do all this with a combination of Bowen Family Systems therapy, Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS), Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT), mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (similar to CBT), somatic therapy, and narrative therapy.

If you have or are experiencing infertility, I’m so very sorry. I’m here to walk through this experience with you. Please reach out, or book an appointment.